Painting #4

I have almost finished my fourth oil portrait, and it's of my friend Debbie. I wanted to show how Debbie had been "wounded" by events in her life over the past year. My idea was so have some areas of blood on her shirt which symbolized a wound. I found I was not able to do it however. Maybe it was because I was afraid of her reaction, or maybe because the symbolism was too strong even for me. Instead I used plan B, which was to paint an angel standing on her shoulder, symbolizing the loss she experienced and the fact she is not alone. I think I almost felt that by painting her with blood it could create further trauma. My gut told me not to do it. Sometimes as an artist you have to make decisions, take chances. I'm thinking I didn't take that chance, maybe I just wasnt ready to.

I still have a few more touch ups to do but I need to wait for the paint to dry a bit, which will take a couple of days due to the fact that I used oil. I feel the need to do something else right now, so I may hop in the van and take a half hour trip to Moncton to get another Burda pattern and some fabric. I feel the need to sew again. I really like being creative.

Speaking of fabric, I made my first silk screen the other day. It was a quote from Paradise Lost and a picture of myself with bat wings. It turned out great except on one edge where the dye leaked out a bit and created a line on the fabric. My 6 year old liked it so much that he wanted one. I made a new screen for him with him riding the motorcycle from the movie Ghost Rider.

Sticking to it

Yesterday I said that I was going to stick to my New Year' Resolution of doing something creative everyday. I managed to stick to it yesterday in spite of running after a day of teaching between a union meeting, power skating, working out, and doing homework with my 6 year old. I drew two portraits yesterday, one of my son and the other of my niece. Unfortunately I drew on scrapbooking paper, which means it likely won't hold up over time. Acid Free, heavier weight paper is usually the best bet. I just finished Gessoing a sheet of masonite, so later today I will put a graphite sketch down over the Gesso, then begin my painting, hopefully tonight, of my friend Debbie and her "inner Demon". That reminds me, I am all out of turpentine, and you need that to clean your brushed when working with oil paint.

I do have one roadblock to being creative tonight however. I have become addicted to the HBO series True Blood, having just bought Season 1 on DVD. I watched 3 episodes last night, and can't wait to watch more.

The New Year

I have many new years resolutions, including the usual lose weight and get in shape. I am happy to say, however, that I have actually been making a bit of progress in this area. Another big one is to try to do something creative every day. I find that like anything else, creativity can be addictive. If I am knitting a sweater, it is difficult to put it down. Once I start a painting, I have to force myself to walk away from it. The problem is actually getting started. Now that the holidays are done, my oldest is back at university, and my youngest's birthday party is out of the way I hope to start this. I am actually under the gun a bit, as I need to perk up my portfolio in the next month. The reason for this is that I am applying to the Masters in Painting program at the Savannah College of Art and Design. I am not happy with the current state of my portfolio, the main problem being that it is all over the place. I used to think that demonstrating I could do a bit of everything was a good idea. Not so. I need to focus. My focus this fall has been portraiture. Unfortunately I have found a way to spread portraiture out, working with it is fibres, painting, and drawing. The degree is in painting, so I am supposed to show a concentrated body of work in painting. I guess I know what I will be doing every night for the next month. Painting portraits of women. My focus now is painting them with their inner demon. For example, I painting myself knitting with a crow, which symbolizes my ever present struggle with depression.

Lucky for me I have done my creative thing for today. During my off class I did a sketch of my youngest son. He loves it when I make pictures of him. Speaking of which, he enjoyed the book and pictures I wrote about him for Christmas.

On a Roll

Lately I am just buzzing with creativity when it comes to my painting. As always I am interested in adding something dark and twisty to my paintings. I am painting portraits of women now and of course had to include myself in my third one on the weekend. In this image I have severe bed head, an old shirt, and I am knitting in a corner of my bed. On my shoulder is perched a black crow. I find the crow a perfect symbol for dark thoughts, as crows have been associated with evil things that lurk in dark corners of the mind. After that painting I had another revelation. As I like to paint lonliness and depression (go figure), I thought one way to add a small twist of humour was to have the symbol of darkness doing something fun or interesting. Anyone familiar with the painter Hans Holbein (painter to King Henry VIII) may be familiar with his series of woodcuts entitled "Dances of Death". In each image we see a skeleton representing death leading some hapless victim towards their maker. I am going to include small elements of some of these images in my paintings. I'll have to wait and see if it works.

When stress is a good thing

No one likes to be depressed, upset, or generally stressed out. However, as an artist there is sometimes an upside to this. I get some of my best ideas for artwork when I am in my "dark place". Perhaps it's because the emotional part of my brain is active, which also happens to be where the artist in me lives. However, my art that is created in this mindset is usually not bright and sunny. It generally reflects my mood. Feelings of depression have plagued me over the past few months as my oldest son graduated high school and has started the next chapter of his life. I really miss him. I think these feelings have influenced my latest round of work, which is painting portraits of women who have experienced their own issues as a result of depression. One of my portraits is actually of myself. I am also painting the daughter of a friend who has been struggling with depression. So, while I certainly don't like being stressed out or sad, I can see that there is a silver lining in every cloud for me.

Having a Thick Skin

One thing you must have when painting portraits is a thick skin. I think mine is only half way there. Everyone will have an opinion about a portrait, especially the people you painted and their family members. The bottom line is that everyone wants a painting to be a photograph. My answer is, if you want a photograph, then take a picture! Still, it's hard to ignore the hushed whispers of "there's something not right about the eyes", or "well, the hair looks good." . It's not that people are purposely trying to burst your bubble. They just can't help themselves. I forgot about how upsetting it can be when you paint portraits, because you are subjected to criticism like no other kind of painting (except maybe abstract, but that's for another blog). It is hard to ignore. You have to be tough and be able to take it. I experienced it today, and felt like throwing the painting in the fire or scraping the oil right off the canvas and starting again. I need to get over this if I am going to continue my series of painting women and children. I'll let you know how that goes. ;)